“what is best in life?”

So, MOVING. My internetz presence will likely be scarce as I prepare for my epic journey to the Twin Cities. I must cram all the crap from my messy room into boxes (seriously, right now it looks like a flea market threw up in there), get the cats acclimated to their harnesses, buy snacks for the road, plan a route….AAARGH. Thankfully the Gentleman Friend is helping, so my skull is not going to explode. Not yet, anyway.

Anyway, did you folks know that there’s going to be a new Conan the Barbarian movie? And it’s being directed by the toolbag who remade The Texas Chainsaw Massacre?

I’ll let you in on a semi-secret: Conan the Barbarian is one of my favorite movies of all time. I watch it at least once a month. I’m not an Arnold fan at all, generally speaking, but his “acting” is part of the fun here – I love the strangled yodel he lets out whenever he’s attempting to emote. Likewise, I love the overwrought narration, and James Earl Jones with his ridiculous haircut (nice bangs, dude) making ominous pronouncements (“infidel defilers…they will all drown in lakes of blood”). I even have the Thulsa Doom cult emblem on the back of my vest. And Valeria is one of my favorite movie love interests ever. No shrinking violet, she eagerly joins in the swordplay and boozin’ along with the fellows, and even returns from the dead to save Conan’s ass. Sure, I’ve got my criticisms of it (replicating the tiresome binary of Western rationality vs. wacky Eastern mysticism, for one). But for me, there’s enough there to love that I keep coming back.

So anyway: this director’s previous credits include Pathfinder, which I will ashamedly admit to watching a couple of years back. What? I was bored and it’s got Vikings in it. Anyway, its portrayal of Native Americans was vomit-inducing. I’m sure the director would argue it was positive since they’re ostensibly the folks you’re rooting for (well, you’re mainly rooting for the Viking kid they adopted, now grown-up and defending his adopted folks against his birth folks, but anyhoo), but since they all act like headstrong-yet-naive children (oh, those Noble Savages, needing the guidance of a helpful white fellow!), that’s a bit difficult for me to believe. And that Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake? The less said, the better. Just another name to add to the “kill with a shovel” list, I suppose.

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~ by Smellen on June 25, 2010.

2 Responses to ““what is best in life?””

  1. to crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of the women.

    ~also~

    Crom, I have never prayed to you before. I have no tongue for it. No one, not even you, will remember if we were good men or bad. Why we fought, or why we died. All that matters is that two stood against many. That’s what’s important! Valor pleases you, Crom… so grant me one request. Grant me revenge! And if you do not listen, then to HELL with you!

    BEST. PRAYER. EVER.

  2. CROM!

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